Performance Identity

Have you ever thought about the type of performer you tend to be? Rehearsal performer, stage performer or just a boss-performer that can do it all?

I performed a piece this last weekend in the final concert of the semester, and as I tried to regulate my breathing backstage before I even went on stage, it hit me…I’m a rehearsal performer.

you betta worque.

I’m strong, reliable and consistent…in rehearsals; the second you add lights, costumes and an audience in the house however, I kind of freak out. I still deliver, but the quality of my overall enjoyment declines ever so…ok, not so slightly. I have performance anxiety like crazy. I don’t enjoy the experience at all until after it’s over; it’s like my adrenaline is on a stage-delay, and it isn’t until the second I step off the stage that I’m ready to rage.

The opposite performer, the stage performer, is not always the easiest person to work with throughout the rehearsal process. This type of performer knows the movement, but doesn’t always do it consistent, correct or even full-out. But once this performer steps on stage however, you better watch out because none of that even matters. This Dyva thrives under the lights and never misses a beat.

The best performer, the boss-performer can do it all. Fully engaged and “on” in rehearsals, fully engaged and “on” on stage.

This bitch owns his or her experience either way, and can control their energy regardless of how many people are watching.

After deep, late-night contemplation, I think one’s performer-self is definitely a fluid-identity. I used to be a performer-bitch, always on. I never thought twice about working my ass off in rehearsal, and even better if there was an audience for me to show off for. I don’t know what happened between my senior year of high school and now, maybe it’s the new venue…my gummy smile might be a bit much for the intelligent stages of concert dance, or maybe it won’t. I just don’t do it.

Even my rehearsal-performance has changed over the years. I still go hard like back in the day, but I’m also doubly-busy in my everyday life; sometimes I wonder what rehearsal from 8-10pm on a Monday night would feel like if I hadn’t already been in the same building since 7:30am moving nonstop. Yes I’m consistent, but I’m also just fricking exhausted.

Can anyone relate to all of this crazy?—Or am I just a crazy?

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